Speak Up, Stand Tall, Claim Your Confidence

Sis, have you ever found yourself sitting in a room full of men, questioning your expertise, holding back when you KNOW you should be speaking up? Have you ever asked yourself, Why do I keep doubting myself when I KNOW I belong here?

In this episode of Rooted in Your Confidence, we’re getting real about the conditioning, unspoken rules, and traditions that keep us second-guessing ourselves in male-dominated spaces. We’re breaking them down and—more importantly—we’re unlearning them.

🔹 Why we hesitate to speak up—even when we’re the most qualified in the room
🔹 The historical and cultural conditioning that still impacts how we show up today
🔹 How to recognize and rewrite the stories we’ve been told about our place in these spaces
🔹 Practical steps to step into your confidence and own your expertise

It’s time to move through these spaces like you belong—because you DO. No more shrinking, no more waiting for permission. You earned this, and today, we’re getting into what it means to be stronger and more YOU.

If this episode spoke to you, share it with another woman who needs to hear this. And if you haven’t already, subscribe—you don’t want to miss what’s coming next.

Stay confident. Stay grounded. Stay rooted. 💪🏽✨

🔗 Resources & Links:

Read the Book
Your Truth Changes Everything: How Women Rebuild Self-Trust, Speak Up, and Get Paid in Male-Dominated Workplaces
Pre-order here: https://rooted.theskhsolutions.com/your-truth-changes-everything-3074

Take the Confidence Quiz
https://links.theskhsolutions.com/widget/survey/osR2QGkypYzh7WuK0GNS

Book a Session with Me
https://links.theskhsolutions.com/widget/bookings/chat-and-connect-with-samantha-kay

Visit My Website
www.samanthakayeharris.com

Join My Free Community
https://rooted.theskhsolutions.com/3-steps-to-hold-your-own-job

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#RootedInYourConfidence #ConfidenceDisruption #ConfidenceAtWork #WomenInMaleDominatedIndustries #WomenInLeadership #WomenInTrades #WomenInConstruction #CareerGrowth #ProfessionalWomen #OrganizationalChange

Transcript

Samantha Kaye Harris (00:06.562)
Hello, ladies, and welcome back to Rooted in Your Confidence. I am your host, Samantha Kaye Harris, certified life coach, speaker, and consultant. Have you ever found yourself sitting in a room full of men holding back when you know you should be speaking up, wondering why you keep questioning?

Your own expertise. Have you ever thought that like why am I sitting here wondering if i'm good enough? Am I? the person that Should be here? When you have walked into that job, qualified yourself, Interviewed for it, And you know dag gone. Well that you Are more than qualified because you've worked 10 times harder than you've ever worked in your life to get to this point

then you sit at the table and you look around and there's nothing but men and You're unsure if you should speak up Are you kidding me? I get you I see you I know you I've been there We're gonna talk about it today. We're gonna talk about why we do this why we Allow ourselves I had to swallow hard on that but we allow ourselves to

question ourselves why we don't speak up why we sit back and Wonder if we're doing being Acting knowing or knowledgeable enough about what is going on So sis if this is you for sure We're breaking down the conditionings the unspoken rules and

The habits that keep us second guessing ourselves. And more importantly, we're talking about how to unlearn them. Yes, we gonna unlearn them today. We gonna step into our confidence. We gonna move through these spaces like we belong because we do belong. No one's giving us anything. We earned it. Today we're gonna get into earning and stronger than we think I am. That's what we're gonna do.

Samantha Kaye Harris (02:25.698)
Today we're getting into stronger and more you. We're gonna be stronger and more you. Yeah, today we're getting into stronger and more of you. So sit back, take this in and let's get into it. Stronger and more you. What does that mean? It means why we show up the way we do.

breaking free from conditioning and male-dominated industries.

Why we show up the way we do breaking free from the conditioning and male-dominated industry spaces

why we show up the way we do. Breaking free from conditioning and male dominated industries. I remember being in a room. I remember sitting there at the table. remember.

Samantha Kaye Harris (03:26.754)
just sitting.

Just sitting. mean literally just sitting. Not speaking up.

Swallowing my words back because I knew I had something to say I knew I had something to contribute But not saying it

I just, my eyes darted around the room, back and forth, back and forth. And I sat at the back end of the table. I never sat at the front of the table. It seemed like I could fade into the rest of the room and no one would notice me because I didn't wanna be noticed. I didn't wanna be seen. I didn't wanna take a position at the top.

because it was easier, because of that norm that I had embedded in me, that I had allowed myself to believe that men spoke and then you waited for them. Traditionally, that's how I was raised. Like the head of my house was my father and his word was law.

Samantha Kaye Harris (04:44.192)
I had been conditioned that by seeing my family members, my mom, always allow this to happen because this has been passed down traditionally through history. Like this is how you showed up and out of respect. And it's crazy how you think that way because where is the respect for yourself when you don't use your voice, when you don't do the things to be heard or seen?

the norms that it's supposed to go this way. And anything you do outside of that is a lack of respect, a lack of reverence, a lack of being in this culture, in this life.

Samantha Kaye Harris (05:42.794)
So to be in a room full of men who were supposed to be experts, and I say that with quotes, they would know better than me, even though I trained, even though I knew, even though I studied. I believe that in this lump in my throat that I felt every time I wanted to speak, that lump in my throat.

That itching. I got like itchy all over.

Samantha Kaye Harris (06:16.386)
I didn't even know at the time that was all from anxiety. It's anxiety. From everything and everyone around you.

That's what happens, you create this thing in you. I wanna say this fear that you create inside your own mind because of the norms and the conditions and the traditions of life that we as women have been taught. So.

Ladies, today we're going to talk about something that impacts every single woman in a male-dominated industry. Whether you realize it or not, conditioning norms and traditions, they play a big part in how we show up in these male-dominated industries. And as I'm saying this, I'm wagging my finger because I know it to be a fact.

We show up differently because when you think about condition, we've been conditioned to be good girls, to sit, be pretty, or if you speak up, you're doing the wrong thing. The norms that have been passed down through generations of what society says, what your culture says, and traditions are something that we do over and over again, so it becomes a habit. So we're gonna talk about it. And as we talk about it today,

and break down why we do the things that we do and where these patterns come from and most importantly how we can start rewriting them because that's when my story changed. That's when I started sitting at the head of the table. That's when I started speaking up. That's when I didn't allow anyone to speak over me. That's when I knew the value that I brought to the team. So I want to talk about it today. I want to allow ourselves.

Samantha Kaye Harris (08:25.048)
to truly understand why we do what we do.

This is the programming that we absorb from the world around us. I just want you to know that. And I wanna say that again. This is the program. This is the programming that we absorb from the world around us. What we're taught, what we witnessed, what we learned to believe about ourselves without even realizing it.

Norms what is norms norms are the silent rules the expectations that say don't be too assertive. Don't make others uncomfortable Don't take up too much space Does any of that sound familiar? I remember that you don't want to be too much You don't want people to think you think you're all that hmm traditions These are the stories we inherit the roles passed down the ways we're to behave whether they serve us or not, honey I know that for sure to been here Historical why do we

Let me go in the, wait a minute, wait a minute. Why do we?

Start here, start here. Cut back before when you said historical. And I wanna ask the question, why is this so hard to unlearn? Women literally, you wanna know why it's so hard to unlearn? Do you wanna know why this is so, ugh, do you want to know why this is so hard to unlearn? Well, I'm gonna tell you. Ladies, we literally had to depend on men.

Samantha Kaye Harris (09:58.316)
Years ago, that's what women did. literally had years ago women literally had to depend on men for survival They could not thrive because they had to just survive. So they had to depend on a man Because think about it. They couldn't own their own property They couldn't even have a bank account Will make

Independent financial decisions for themselves and their children for generations our safety depended on pleasing a man So we adapted to the reality that survival basic thinking Didn't just and guess what? We adapted to the reality So we adapted to that reality

that survival-based thinking didn't just disappear either. We learned to survive. It didn't matter if you were treated right, if you were given money, or if you had to, or if your husband didn't bring home any money.

For us to survive, we had to literally depend on a man. And it seems like it's been hundreds of thousands of years ago, but that was only in the 70s. And that was only 50 something years ago. And we can't even really change the mindsets of people even after it's been a hundred years. And because all of these things have been passed down historically, traditionally, and people still believe and trust them as gospel without questioning why we think the way we do.

Let me tell you, we don't question why we think the way we do. That keeps us showing up the same way, thinking that in order for us to survive, in order for us to thrive, we have to depend on what a man says, that he has to lead, that he has to be the head. We don't get to be our full selves because we have to make sure that we're pleasing in their eyes.

Samantha Kaye Harris (12:01.398)
So we're still just surviving. And our mindsets have to shift in order for us to think differently, show up differently, and believe differently. So in order for us to break free from the survival-based thinking, we have to make a shift because it just doesn't disappear. It doesn't. I just want you to understand it doesn't just disappear because we wanted to.

It evolved into how we navigate in the workplace today. I'm telling you. Because I remember being in a shop full of paving mechanics and I was there and I did paving work daily, meaning I laid asphalt and concrete and I mixed concrete, I floated concrete. I did all the things. I did. Yes, with long fingernails and all.

I did it and I did it well but I always looked for validation because this is something that a woman did traditionally. This isn't something that you would see a woman walking up and

putting herself in a position to do. And I wasn't doing it for survival, it was my job and I chose this. And it was no woman who ever worked in the paving shop in the environment I worked in before until I walked in there.

And I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna do a little sidebar. One of the women that came in after me.

Samantha Kaye Harris (13:47.79)
She had a bit of a disdain for me. She really didn't care for me much. And I couldn't understand it. And I'm that human that was like, hey, is there anything I can do? Let me show you this, let me show you that. And her thing was like, you don't always have to be the expert. We feel sometimes intimidated by the next woman because every woman doesn't get a chance to do what you do. Or they're too afraid so when they see someone else.

it gets a little catty.

Ladies I want to offer you to surround yourself with love from each other and be patient with each other give each other grace Because I saw her years later And she thanked me she thanked me for walking in there first She thanked me for being brave enough to make other women feel comfortable enough to do it

Samantha Kaye Harris (14:43.052)
So in understanding that you can be brave enough for you and that others are looking and they might not understand what you're doing or why you're doing it, but it's a path because you're doing the unspoken. You're doing the thing that no one else did before.

And even with being in those rooms and being who I was and being capable and being able, I still showed up a little differently. I showed up in that mindset of being conditioned that I'm supposed to be liked and loved and appreciated. So I felt doing more, meaning I gave more than I should have. Meaning that instead of just doing my job,

I made sure that the shop was tidy. made sure that the truck was clean because I really wanted them to like me. I really wanted them to make me part of the team. So I did all the things that a woman would normally do to make it comfortable for men. But it didn't work because they still didn't have the respect. Nor did they respect me. I want to say that again. Nor did they respect me.

Because even I was an expert in what I did and I was great at what I did. I was excellent. I was extraordinary.

And I say that openly and honestly and I tap myself on the shoulder. They never put me on jobs that generated extra money. Did you hear me? They never put me on jobs that generated extra money.

Samantha Kaye Harris (16:34.06)
And when I made a complaint, they told me I was a problem. They told me that I was an issue. And they wished that I was never there.

Is that not crazy? These are men that I ate with every day that I laughed with that I went down in holes 20 feet deep But because I spoke up for myself because I was brave enough because I was courageous enough because I stopped doing The norm of what a woman is supposed to do. It was a shift. I Want you to know that was the shift that's when things changed

So if we're going to ever stop downplaying our expertise and be able to negotiate for the money that we want, we want to stop hesitating to ask.

we're going to have to learn to unlearn the conditioning, the traditions, and the norms. If we ever want to stop letting others take recognition for our ideas, we're going to, again, change the way we think when it comes to our conditioning, our norms, and our traditions. Because we allow all of this to happen.

Why? Fear. Fear of judgment.

Samantha Kaye Harris (18:11.658)
wanting to belong Instead of being seen as too much because you know, you don't want to be seen as too much

at all generational habits that tell us conflict is dangerous for women. Because again, you think about it years ago, we're gonna go back to the beginning. Women having anything except for what her husband gave her was not allowed.

So the fear of someone taking something from us and us having to depend on them again, it makes us afraid. Let me take a sip.

of my water right now.

It makes us afraid.

Samantha Kaye Harris (19:04.002)
to plan, believe, to dream that we can stand. And I'm not gonna say dream, because we're gonna dream. I wanna take that few sentences out back there. When we feel in danger, we go into flight, fright. We go into flight, freeze, flight or fond mode.

And a lot of times what we do is we run, we don't stay. Or we freeze, we stay still and we don't speak up. We don't allow ourselves to be heard. Or we're always fighting. We never have peace. So we're always armored up from the time we walk into a job, before we even walk into a job. When we open our car doors, we pick up that armor that we left in that parking spot and we put it on and we're ready for battle. Or we make the men, yes, when we become people pleasing, when we start talking about how great they are.

downplaying our own abilities. That's what happens.

So in order for us to change that and bring awareness to what we're doing, we have to understand that these norms are norms that we never asked for. These traditions are what we never asked for. This conditioning is what we never asked for and we get to change it. We get to change it by the way we think and understanding why we think the way we think.

We never ask ourselves the simple question why. Why we think the way we think that makes us show up the same way over and over again. Even when we know more, even though we believe differently, we still conform to what's going to make us feel safe.

Samantha Kaye Harris (20:53.068)
And what's gonna make you feel safe is being rooted and grounded in your knowledge and in your abilities of you. Let me say that again, rooted and grounded in your abilities of you.

You're going to start to, if you allow yourself, notice when you're minimizing your voice. I want you to start paying attention to you. I want you to create this thing called a brag file, a file that you keep about you. Keep about your abilities, your qualifications, your qualities that make you extraordinary outside of ordinary. I want you to be able to, when those days come, when you're feeling sad and feeling unheard.

and you're not sure if you can speak up, want you to be able to lean into this imaginary bag that is your brag bag that allows you to step into your full power and say, am X, Y, and Z. I am confident. I am beautifully made. I am. And write down all the things and list them as your qualifiers in your job. Yes, your qualifiers. So your brag bag is full of your qualifiers.

that make you stand out. Not just to you, but to everyone around you. And once you can lean into that and you can believe in you, then I want you to build your circle, build your team, build your squad that got you, that you can lean into, that can lean into you, that you support each other.

when you're not listening to them tell you what you aren't or maybe you should leave especially if you want to stay and I'm not telling anyone to stay in anything where they're not comfortable what I'm saying is if you want to be there you want to stay there you get to do that and you get to believe in you and you get to stand in that rooted in it grounded in it

Samantha Kaye Harris (22:55.34)
and get your team that got you that's going to put their hand in your back and support you.

through these difficult times. Surround yourself with your team, that squad of women that's pushing and cheerly and promoting you when you're not able to do it for yourself. Did you hear what I said? When you get people that can stand in that gap for you when you can't do it for yourself. I want you to start speaking up. It's a practice. Do it to small things. Don't

try to do it all at once and then get disappointed in yourself, start speaking up with the small things. And it's not even about just the no, but no, excuse me, I was speaking.

Let me reiterate what I was saying. I had the floor. Do the small things. It's going to build your confidence into the big things. And that's again, leaning into that brag bag, baby. Get it, keep it, and hold on to it. We're going to start to identify those old beliefs and those old stories that we tell ourselves and replace them with our new stories that we know for a fact that we've written.

Because you get to tell your story your way. You no longer have to wait for permission or stop doing what you're doing and apologize for being an expert in what you do. You get to step into your role confidently without over-explaining or doubting yourself. You get to be you. So I want you to think about this. What would change in your career if you stopped playing by the rules?

Samantha Kaye Harris (24:44.642)
That you weren't that weren't made for you. What if you start stop playing for the rules that weren't made for you? What could you achieve if you stop waiting for someone else to validate you? What? That's your next chapter and it starts today What if you could achieve?

Samantha Kaye Harris (25:04.664)
Let's start again right here. Let's start right here. So I want you to think about this.

What would change in your career if you stopped playing by the rules that weren't made for you? That weren't made for you. What could you achieve if you stopped waiting for someone else to validate you?

That's your next chapter and it starts today.

Samantha Kaye Harris (25:35.16)
So, beautiful.

So beautiful. That's it for today. But don't just sit with this. Do something with it. Start noticing the ways you're holding yourself back. Start challenging those old beliefs. And most importantly, start showing up like the expert you already are. If this episode spoke to you, share it with another woman who needs to hear this. And if you haven't already, make sure you

Subscribe Make sure you're subscribed because trust me. You don't want to miss what's coming next Until next time, stay confident, stay grounded, Stay rooted, and keep showing up for you